The Through Line of Humanity: Navigating Grief and Finding LGBTQ-Affirming Support

I’m coming off of a meaningful experience last week when I attended the 2026 Grief Summit offered by PESI. I heard excellent talks about different forms of grief and loss, tools for working with clients, and models for understanding an experience that virtually everyone passes through during life—losing someone (or something) and carrying the messy knot of feelings, memories, and sensations that make up what we call grief.

When we’re in it, we often say something like, "I feel like I’m going crazy." We swim in a soup of triggers that remind us of our loss, and emotions fly through seemingly on a whim, while days trudge along. We can’t help but thinking—how can everything seem so "normal" when everything is different?

An older woman sits on a sofa, deep in thought, capturing a moment of reflection and sorrow.

The Normalcy of Grief

One of my key takeaways of the summit was a reaffirmation that grief is a normal human experience. We all end up carrying it in its varied forms through our lives—whether by losing pets, parents, jobs, or imagined futures—and so we are certainly not alone. Grieving can certainly seem like a lonely experience when we’re in our head, when our grief sits heavily on our heart. But given that it’s a common experience, we could do a lot better in sharing and offering support when loss shows up in our lives and the lives of our loved ones, coworkers, and community members.

Universal Experience of Grief

Grief is one of the through lines of the human experience, and being able to experience grief in a human way is connecting and transformative. Not because it brings back the person or what was lost. But it brings us to one of the unalterable realities that we all face—change is constant, and none of us is getting out of this alive. For me, this brings a strange comfort, highlighting the beauty of the everyday, since none of us is promised "tomorrow."

While grief is universal, expressions of it are varied by country, culture, and age. Children process grief in a different way than someone who has lived multiple decades. The situation of the death or loss can impact us in different ways. In some cultures, expressions of grief are straightforward, cried out loud in community, while others are more reserved and individualistic. There is no “wrong” way to grieve, though it can develop into unhealthy and unhelpful patterns that may need to be addressed with therapy or other forms of support.

We Still Grieve Non-Death Losses

We don’t always thinking about grieving a job following a layoff, or mourning a future we imagined after a disabling diagnosis. Even when there is no coffin, we may still lay to rest relationships that have grown toxic, a cherished home that burned, or a childhood that never was because we had to grow up too fast. These losses and the associated grief are real, and we experience many of the same range of emotions as with a death. They deserve the same attention, compassion, time, and support.

The Unique Intersection: LGBTQ Grief and Disenfranchised Loss

While grief is universal, LGBTQ+ individuals often navigate what therapists call "disenfranchised grief"—loss that is not openly acknowledged, socially validated, or publicly mourned.

For many in the queer community, the experience of loss is compounded by:

• Loss of Chosen Family: The pain of losing a peer or partner who provided the primary support system, often without the recognition of traditional social or legal structures.

• Ambiguous Loss: Having to grieve a relationship that may have been altered by estrangement or cognitive changes related to dementia, or grieving experiences we missed out on.

• The Weight of Minority Stress: Layering personal loss on top of the systemic exhaustion of living in a world that may not always affirm one's identity.

Recognizing that your grief is valid—even if society doesn't hold space for it—is the first step toward healing.

How to Find LGBTQ-Affirming Grief Support

Finding a grief counselor or support group that truly understands queer experiences can be a game-changer. When seeking support, look for these markers of safety:

• Inclusive Directories: Use platforms that allow you to filter specifically for "LGBTQ-affirming" or "LGBTQ-friendly" providers.

• Ask Direct Questions: It is okay to interview your therapist. Ask: "How do you approach grief specifically within the context of chosen family and queer identity?"

• Community Centers: Many local LGBTQ community centers host bereavement groups. These spaces offer the comfort of being surrounded by peers who don't require you to explain your identity or your family structure.

Key Takeaways

• Grief can show up for anyone, at any time.

• Grief is an individualized experience, and each loss affects us differently.

• Grief is a non-linear path.

• The endpoint is not an absence of grief, but a reintegration of the loss into daily life, allowing us to move forward.

You Don't Have to Navigate This Alone

Grief often feels isolating, but you do not have to carry the weight of your loss by yourself. If you are struggling with the unique complexities of LGBTQ+ grief, disenfranchised loss, or are simply looking for a compassionate space to process what you are feeling, I am here to help.

I’m Dr. Weston Donaldson. I provide dedicated grief counseling focused on validating your experiences and supporting your path to healing. Together, we can help you move through this difficult time and reconnect with your center again.

Click here to learn more about my Grief Specialty Services and book a free 15-minute consultation.

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