Finding Your Center When the World Feels Loud

Your heart was made for this moment, but that doesn’t mean the moment isn't heavy.

For many in the LGBTQ+ community, the experience of getting older brings a strange, quiet friction. You have spent decades navigating a world that wasn't always kind, building a full life despite the obstacles, and taking pride in the resilience you’ve forged. But as the years move forward, the "big problems"—the shifting social landscape, climate change, the relentless noise of the digital age—can begin to feel like a weight you no longer have the energy to carry.

When we fixate on these larger problems—issues that exist far outside our immediate circle of influence—it is natural to feel a rising sense of emotional distress. We feel small, ineffective, and increasingly tired, leaving us to grapple with existential worries while we are simply trying to keep afloat day-to-day. In these moments, the goal isn’t to solve the world. The goal is to find your way back to your own center of meaning and purpose.

Don't discount the "smaller picture"

Psychological centering isn't about ignoring the world; it’s about recalibrating your focus to what is actually within your control. When we are overwhelmed, our "mental lens" often zooms out too far, capturing every global crisis at once. This creates a sense of paralysis.

Centering allows us to zoom back in.

Empowerment is rarely found in the "big problems," but it is almost always found in the actions and behaviors within our reach. When we shift our attention to our immediate surroundings—our daily routines, our interactions with friends, the way we care for our own bodies—we regain a sense of agency. We move from being a passive observer of a chaotic world to an active participant in our own lives. I'm not saying this is easy, or a fix-all - it takes practice over time.

Deconstructing the "Shoulds"

To find centered peace in the storms of life, we often have to deconstruct the internal pressures we carry. We can look at the "shoulds" that have followed us over the years:

• "I should have the energy to fight every social battle."

• "I should feel more useful in the community at large."

• "I should be able to handle these health changes without feeling discouraged."

  
  

For an LGBTQ+ person who has spent a lifetime adapting and finding success despite "the haters," there can be a deep-seated pressure to never show weakness or to always be "on stage". But true self-determination means giving yourself the permission to (re)define what "purpose" looks like right now. It is not a failure to narrow your focus; instead, it is a strategic act of self-care.

From here, we can adapt these unhelpful expectations of ourselves into less punitive, more open options. We can identify our guiding values and simply change the "shoulds" to "coulds." This encourages flexibility in thinking, and serves as a reminder of "why" we want to take actions to make our world better. This might look like:

• "Because I value advocacy, I could sign up to volunteer to help others.

• "Because I value community, I could organize a game night with my neighbors."

• "Because I value my health, I could schedule that doctor appointment I've been meaning to make."

Notice how those might feel different.

How to Find Your Center Again (and again, and again)

In psychotherapy, we talk about what matters most to you at this time in your life. We look at the qualities you’ve already built—your ability to learn, to adapt, and to build relationships—and we apply them to the challenges right in front of you.

Finding your center involves these practical, grounding shifts:

1. Identify Your Circle of Control: When you feel distress, ask: "Is this a problem I can take an action on today?" If so, identify even a small step you can take. Renewed purpose often comes from small, repeatable behaviors. Contributing in ways that are important to you—even in small doses—helps you feel more engaged in life again.

   
   

2. Practice Acceptance: If the answer is that you can't control the problematic situation, you can acknowledge the difficulty, and honor the feelings that come with it. Instead of blaming yourself for those feelings, remind yourself that those feelings mean you are human with a heart that feels and a nervous system that reacts.

   
   

3. Use Self-Compassion: How would you talk to a friend who was in a similiar situation? Would you chew them out or blame them? Often we're kinder to others than we are to ourselves. Try to speak to yourself the way you would to someone outside your own skin.

   
   

Reflecting on Your Center

As you consider your own daily life, I invite you to reflect on these questions:

• Consider one "big problem" that has been draining your energy lately. Can you grant yourself permission to set it down for today?

  
  

• When was the last time you felt "in harmony" with yourself, and what small actions were you taking at that moment?

  
  

• What is one small, manageable task within your reach this week that would make you feel more "centered" or fulfilled?

  
  

You Deserve to Be Seen

If you have gotten this far in life, I trust that you have the tools to build a pathway forward. Purpose and fulfillment are not found in the distant, uncontrollable future; they are found in the intentional, manageable choices you make today.

You deserve to feel connected to the people and activities that matter to you right now. If you are finding it difficult to quiet the noise or feel like you’ve lost your center, that may be a sign you could use some extra support to get there.

I’m Dr. Weston Donaldson. I help LGBTQ+ adults navigate the losses and challenges that come with getting older, like managing chronic illness, grieving a death, adapting to big changes in health or functioning, or rebuilding a sense of purpose. If this approach resonates with you, I invite you to reach out. Together, we can work to build a pathway forward that honors your history and prepares you for the opportunities in the years to come.

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